I was referring to these fine specimens as the neighborhood dumb asses, but I am changing my termination in the interest of all things "PC". Calling someone an ass is generally only insulting to the ass (a.k.a the donkey). Sense the meaning of the words are generally the same, I will leave the donkey out of this one.
Okay, you are probably asking yourself what does a Village Idiot ( VI) look like. Good question! After a month in Chicago I have some thoughts on this one. VI's seem to transcend race and ethnicity, but not gender. Based on my anthropological investigation, their gender is almost always male. I have yet to see a female, but I am sure they exist. The important factor in defining the VI is the behavior. Let me list a few of their behavioral traits.
a.) Loud - this seems to be the first clue. They are abnormally loud. Not talking on cell phone loud (I would be talking about my self in that case and we cannot have that), but loud as in shouting. They are normally not shouting at anyone specific just in general - shouting. The most common behavior seems to be shouting socially not quite acceptable songs. But it is not really singing. It is more like taking the verses and separating them from rhythm and music. It comes across as just shouting a lot of words that don't seem to go together.
b.) Like Loud - This is mostly noted when the VI is driving. Driving is an odd thing here. It seems to be only done by the very affluent, the very poor, or the VI. The middle class does not drive very much, because it is such a pain. Back the VI behavior. When a VI is in, around, or driving a motor vehicle the music is very loud. (I saw one earlier today on a moped with a Jam Box strapped to the back, so it does not have to be a car.) Not rock'n to a good Guns 'n Roses song loud, I mean loud as in hurt my ears from three stories above them loud.
c.) Disrespectful of others - As if the above were not enough of an indication of this, let me cite another example. When walking in groups, they take up the whole sidewalk and don't move over to let people walk past without getting in the grass. When walking alone or in small numbers they take up the whole sidewalk by walking in the dead center and not moving.
An aside here - This is turning out to be one of my favorite things, because VI's generally don't like dogs. So, when I am walking Sam, I let her lunge at the VI. I know this is "stooping to their level", but is my small piece of revenge for their waking me up in the middle of the night.
d.) Disrespectful of Environment - VI's don't mind throwing something on the ground. Even though Chicago has a trash can on every other corner, a VI will throw something on the ground five steps from a trash can. Thank God we have city workers that walk around and pick up trash off the streets six days a week, or this city would be knee deep in trash.
e.) Use Fuck as a noun, verb, adjective, adverb, etc.... - The VI's vocal capacities are centered around this word and all variations. A few common usages for you:
That F@#$!
This is F@#$ing stupid!
Let's F@#$!
You are probably aware of many others.
As I am writing this, a few fine specimens have walked down the street. Since it is a nice spring day here, I have the windows open. I have noticed a few more common traits just in the last few minuets, but I don't want to limit my cultural analysis too finely, so as to exclude.
This is a anthropological work in progress. I am still working out some of the finer points, but this is a start. I will keep you posted as my research continues.
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As I am typing these last words, this is what I hear out the window. A VI making what I would describe as a siren noise, followed by, "Whaz Up, Whaz Up!" I look out and find him by himself and no sign of others.
